You're as good as dead.

I’m just so sad

I don’t know what to do with myself. I quit my job yesterday. Which was much needed. So now I need to find a new job within 2 weeks because being jobless is not okay. Hopefully my car won’t take a shit within that time either. I know it’s getting close.

I don’t know what I should do with Ian.. He’s trying so hard to get me back. Saying the sweetest things despite all of the terrible shit I’ve said. But could he be just telling me what I want to hear?
It’s hard to believe its true when I had a sneek at his Facebook conversations with over 8 different girls. Call me a creeper, but I want the truth. Don’t go flirting with a bunch of other girls and then try to get me back.. Granted I haven’t kept to myself when it comes to guys. They’ve tried, but of course the whole “I’m going through a lot right now. Please stop flirting with me” thing works out pretty well, seeing that no guy really wants a girl with a ton of baggage.
I wish there was some way to know what he’s thinking. I can see he wants me. I want to be with him, but I don’t know if I can let go of the things said and done during our relationship.
And nothing will work out if I can’t get over it. I wish I could start over with him. A clean slate. Just like there was 2 years and 9 months ago. The glory days. No worries. No insecurities. No harsh feelings.
I want it back.
I want him back..

I feel so fucking fantastic. Free. Happy. And surrounded by people who love me, and just want to have fun with me. Nothing can bring me down today. It’s been a while since I’ve felt THIS good. So perfect.